Like Parking at Meijer

Fancy Parking for Assholes.
Who is it going to be?

A million years ago, I lived in Kalamazoo.We shopped at Meijer Thrifty Acres in high school. because cases of Braumeister were sometimes $3.99, sometimes $2.99. [Ed.: And worth every cent!] Certain nameless people could get by with a little bit of nail polish and pencil on their ID to become 21. Or they just wouldn't check IDs at all.

This usually works.
[Until they got all anal about ID and became the worst place to get beer - they would call the cops on a fake ID. Bastards.]

Anyhoo, low prices means high volume and lots of customers who, to put it as kindly as I can, have no choice but to be cost-conscious. Basically, it's a regional Walmart, but less shitty.

That means ginormous parking lots, full of customers that don't give a shit. Better park far away from the store and at the top of any rise. Use convenience and gravity to your advantage, yes?

My friend 8 Barrel tried something different with his new (to him) Mustang GT: he parked right next to the car corral. Of course people would be careful. Of course people who walked their cart all that way would finish the job and put the cart in the stall where it could so no harm.

Yeah, right.

Ding, ding. ding. Literally.

I learned from his mistake and just made a habit of parking away from the action, away from other cars, Make gravity my ally in places that have hills. All this brings us to yesterday. Where to park a new car? Away, obvs. No carts to worry about; no hills to use. What to do? Park on the end of a row, for sure. The landscaped ends will protect the car from passersby. Parking as close as possible to that curb protects the car from the 7-year-old that thinks nothing of kicking the door open.

Everything should be fine. What are the chances some penis compensator wants to sidle up next to that new car?
Pretty much 100%
Chandler Bing: Could you BE any closer to the line?
The delicious irony of shooting this from an open pull through spot.

I guess I should thank this guy for at least not jackass parking for the purpose of dinging me.